Attitude and Words Matter! Shifting Provider Language from Sexual “Tolerance” to Participation 

Provider language can significantly influence how safe or pressured patients feel when returning to sexual activity after pain, trauma, or medical treatment. Many rehabilitation models unintentionally emphasize tolerance-based language such as “working up to,” “pushing through,” or “tolerating,” which can reinforce protective threat responses in the nervous system even when physical healing has occurred.

This session introduces a nervous system–informed framework for sexual communication grounded in the brain’s threat assessment system—the network integrating emotion, memory, and sensory input to determine whether an experience is safe or dangerous. When this system perceives threat, protective responses such as guarding, shutdown, or pain amplification can occur, particularly in younger adults navigating sexual pain.

Drawing from pain science, trauma-informed care, and functional neurology, participants will explore how language can either escalate or calm the nervous system’s threat response. The session will provide practical communication strategies that shift the focus from compliance and performance toward safety, agency, and meaningful participation in intimacy. Attendees will leave with actionable language shifts and clinical strategies that support patient autonomy, reduce re-entry fear, and promote sustainable engagement in sexual health and relationships.

1. Describe the role of the brain’s threat assessment system in shaping patients’ experiences of sexual pain and readiness for intimacy.
2. Identify common tolerance-based communication patterns that may unintentionally reinforce threat responses in sexual rehabilitation.
3. Apply nervous system–informed language strategies that support safety, autonomy, and patient agency in discussions about sexual activity.
4. Integrate trauma-informed and pain science principles to support patients’ return to meaningful sexual participation.

About the Speaker

Dr. Rose Schlaff, PT, DPT, WHC, IF (she/her) is a pelvic physical therapist, and mentor in integrative sexual wellness. She specializes in bridging neuroscience, somatics, and trauma-informed sex counseling to help clients and clinicians transform pelvic health and intimacy outcomes.

Dr. Rose is the creator of the Reclaim the Flame® method, an evidence-informed framework that integrates functional neurology, nervous system regulation, and sexual wellness education to support desire, reduce pain, and restore pleasure. She has trained medical providers, therapists, and wellness practitioners internationally and has served as lecturer for sex therapy and counseling programs at the University of Michigan and San Diego State University and Bastyr University.

In her clinical work and professional trainings, Dr. Rose focuses on helping women and LGBTQIA+ individuals reconnect with their bodies, cultivate agency in intimacy, and build sustainable pathways to pleasure and connection. Learn more at www.bewellwithrose.com or follow her at @bewellwithrose.